An Act of Catharsis
Most of us have been victims of bullying (verbal and social bullying) at some stage of life. Be it when we were kids or in school or maybe in college or at work place, we have come across harsh words about us that tend to stick and irritate us for days. We take our time and move on; we learn how to deal with these words and phrases overtime. However, our subconscious and the unconscious mind, which are good at covering things up, usually struggles with letting go.
Unconscious mind plays a very important role when it comes to behavior and emotions. The Unconscious mind acts as a storehouse for all our memories and past experiences. When we are subjected to bullying it goes deep into our sub and unconscious mind and lead to behavioural and emotional issues like anxiety etc. Whereas the subconscious helps in communication between the conscious and the unconscious mind.
There are many methods that can help us in resolving various emotional and behavioural issues caused by the effects of bullying. One of the method is catharsis. It can be in any form be it painting, speaking, writing etc.
Catharsis still plays a role today in Freudian psychoanalysis. The American Psychological Association defines the process as “the discharge of effects connected to traumatic events that had previously been repressed by bringing these events back into consciousness and re-experiencing them.”
This project which was aimed at self-healing focused on catharsis. I had no idea where it will go when I started it even though I knew what I was going to do.
For this performing art piece I finalised a white wall in my room on which I planned to recall all the verbal and social bullying incidents and to write it all down using a charcoal stick, without stopping, until the whole wall was covered with words. To start it off, I created a note comprising of 10–12 phrases which had affected me in the past and stared writing while being recorded on a webcam. At the beginning it was organised and started smoothly, I even spoke out loud what I was writing. Slowly the act became automatic and I was in a state of flow where I was not following the script (the note) anymore. As you can see on the left words were in order and as I moved towards the right everything became chaotic and order-less. This act took me around one hour and forty minutes to complete it in one stretch. The act of doing this made me feel, I would say relaxed but a bit weird therefore In the end I smuggled the whole wall with my hands (which was not planned).
Yes it did become a bit difficult to sleep in the room after this, I started to avoid going home by staying in college till 2–4am. However, the whole experience of performing and writing down all the negative stuff was good and empowering as well as cathartic.
Thats not all though. Another great thing which happed was, me becoming comfortable in front of the camera. I am a camera shy person who prefers to stay behind the camera. However, to everyone who is not comfortable being in front of the camera, try it once. The gaze of the camera it self is a whole different experience as it changes how you observe yourself as well as increases your self confidence. More on this topic in the next article.
P.S. Yes I have painted the wall
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